Friday, 5 August 2016

RSS you cannot ignore

A political satire

Restless Soul Syndrome

Please do not jump to condemn me as a secularist or non-secularist. RSS does not always stand for Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh, the Indian rightist outfit. It also stands for Restless Soul Syndrome.  Some scientists believe that it is caused by a virus which mutates very fast for survival. My impression is that in our country the number of those carrying RSS  (Restless Soul Syndrome) virus is more than the number of the members and sympathisers of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh.

Once upon a time, more than 2500 years ago, Almighty God sent a restless soul in a royal family. Prince Gautam was a born restless fellow. He was restless in the palace. Even his wife could not cure him of the syndrome nor could the birth of their son. He became more restless when one day he happened to see the world outside the palace. Ultimately he left the palace, kept on wandering, acquiring new skills and knowledge that could give peace to his soul. Ultimately he reached a place now called Bodh Gaya in what is now Bihar where after meditation he got peace. His disciples constructed several monasteries where those suffering from RSS (I mean, Restless Soul Syndrome) could hope to get peace.

Time has changed. If Gautam got rid of RSS after years of fighting against himself and realisation that sacrifice of personal pleasures and devoting life to the service of mankind gives peace to soul, in the modern age those with RSS virus, get relief only when they enter a palace where all the luxuries of life are available and the mankind is serving them. It is another matter that for entering that palace the promise that they would serve the mankind. 

More and more people are becoming carriers of the RSS virus. It has spread very fast in our country. Anyone can get RSS virus. It has affected rich as well as poor, young as well as old, boys as well as girls, men as well as women, educated as well as uneducated.  It can be inherited. It can be acquired and nurtured. It can be transmitted. It is contagious as well as infectious. Its symptoms include desire for power and wealth, fear of life, craving for security guards round-the-clock and red light on car, desire for files which he could sign,  desire for coterie of people, etc. etc. The victims are restless, lose their sleep and even senses. They may indulge in actions which are beyond normal human comprehension. The victims feel that they would get peace only when they enter a palace, small or big. Sometimes they get so impatient that they do not bother to complete even their school education. During elections it takes epidemic form as we find in Bihar these days.   

 Those who were born in a palace claim that since they have inherited the syndrome, it is their divine right to stay in a palace and demand the loyalty and services of the people. Those not lucky enough to inherit it, struggle hard to build palace. Once a person has contacted the virus or inherited it, it remains with him or her whole life. Those who had lived in a palace, inherited or acquired otherwise, feel worse when they are thrown out.

It becomes more dangerous when the victim has muscle power or money power. The worst scenario is when the victim has both.

The beauty is that most of the victims do not want to be cured.

Sometimes almost every member in the family shows symptoms of varying degrees. In such a family, the father’s ultimate desire is to see his children develop as many symptoms as possible. It is better if daughters-in-law also get the symptoms. A more large-hearted person transmits the symptoms to his brothers, cousins, and other relations. Considering our social values and traditions, it is not surprising that a father or mother is not happy when his/her son-in-law shows symptoms of RSS.

I can give you many examples.

We have a leader who is nearing 90 but pretends to be, in fact looks, younger than those in their 50s. The symptoms of RSS are so visible on his face that people feel sorry for him. He has got sympathisers even among those who should be his natural opponents. It proves that a victim of RSS can be an object of sympathy of friends and foes alike. Perhaps it is because of his association with what is commonly known as RSS (Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh) and the  RSS I am talking about.

There is another victim of RSS who once joined the offshoot of the other RSS (Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh) and enjoyed peace for a long time. Unfortunately, in his old age, he was told to make room for his next generation. He did so but came back because the RSS (Restless Soul Syndrome) virus returned to hit him more strongly.

These days I see on TV channels another victim of RSS. Once he was a minister, for some time quite a healthy minister. He still lives in a small palace but it has no glamour because he does not get files when he sits in his chamber or bodyguards when he goes out.

Very recently, one more victim of RSS has appeared on the horizon. People had almost forgotten him. He felt very bad. Suddenly he made public appearance to declare that he has RSS (let me remind you he means Restless Soul Syndrome). To those who are unable to see any symptom on his otherwise peaceful face, he says that he is feeling very bad because an office in the South Block has become very weak. Some people are unable to see a link between his RSS and weakness of an office in the South Block. But definitely his RSS has something to do with one of the palaces and blocks or Bhawans in Lutyen’s Delhi.

There is a sad case of a mother having very serious form of RSS. She was born in a great country which in the ancient times was ruled by illustrious persons like Julius Caesar and Nero. At a young age she married her prince charming who was luckily from the land of Buddha. She came here in the hope of living peacefully. For a long time she did so. She used to distribute material wealth to many so that they too could buy peace and comfort. But time changed. She acquired RSS virus. Many believe that it was forcibly transmitted to her. Anyway, that is a matter of research. What we know is that gradually the symptoms became very serious and obvious. She has passed transmitted it to her son also. The son does not mind that but he also wants to get married and have a family. The doting mother feels that unless his RSS achieves its goal, it is not in the national interest to allow him to raise a family. Gautam enjoyed family life before sacrificing it for the sake of peace to his soul. The present day prince charming has not been allowed to experience family life – as far as we know – unless he achieves the goal of his RSS. His supporters say he has sacrificed worldly pleasures for the sake of his country but ungrateful people do not appreciate that.

As I said earlier, an entire family may carry  RSS virus. There are many such families because the environment of democratic India is very suitable for this. One such illustrious family is in Bihar. The head of the family acquired it at a young age when he was still a student. He worked hard to take maximum advantage of RSS. He considers himself very lucky that he spent some time in jail and advises everyone who has the symptoms of RSS to spend some time in jail. I have no idea how many persons are getting tips from him for spending some time in jail. These days he is encouraging his children to enjoy the symptoms of RSS and reap its benefits.

The head of that virus infected family has many other qualifications to attract followers. He is a comedian par excellence. He can enlighten his audience with non-existing, unknown, unheard of charges against his opponents. Above all, he claims to be a bigger tantric than professional tantriks whom his friends and foes visit for blessings.

Look around. Someone with symptoms of RSS may be standing near you. You can neither miss him/her nor ignore him/her. It is for you to decide whether you want to acquire RSS or avoid it.

Devendra Narain

October 28, 2015


To give concrete examples, former Ministers Yashwant Sinha and Shatrughan Sinha, doomed to carry the tag of 'fomer' for ever,  are suffering from RSS.

Devendra Narain