Thursday, 11 August 2016

To beat Modi, Rahul Gandhi will sleep in bus, before sleeping in Airbus

(A political satire)

To beat Modi, Rahul Gandhi will sleep  in bus, before sleeping in Airbus

After reading just one news, Rahul threw the morning newspaper before mom.

‘Any bad news, my son?’

‘Bad? Very bad. Very very bad. Just read this.’ He placed his finger on a news item.

Anxious mom became more anxious. The paper had reported that Modi was still very popular, far ahead of Rahul in popularity rating.

‘It can’t be true. It must be conspiracy of our enemies, enemies of democracy, socialism and secularism.’ She tried to console the son.

‘Even if it is conspiracy, people will think it is true. Mom, please do something I can’t wait indefinitely.’

‘I understand your anxiety, my son. In fact, I am more worried than you. Despite all the efforts of our friends and foes, this man is going to strong. Time is flying. Something has to be done. But what’s that?’

‘Anything mom. I’m ready to do anything.’

Mom started thinking. The situation is really desperate. The dynasties which came much later are doing much better. In Bihar, while father and mother are ex-Chief Ministers, one son is deputy Chief Minister and one is Cabinet Minister, as good as deputy Chief Minister. In neighbouring UP, father has made the son  Chief Minister and is his himself trying to occupy 7 course Road. In Punjab, while father is Chief Minister, the son is deputy Chief Minister. Here, in her own dynasty, great grandson of a Prime Minister, grandson of another Prime Minister, son of the next Prime Minister, is just a member of Parliament, like his mother. She did not become Prime Minister out of choice but the son could not become Prime Minister because of conspiracy against him She has never been able to understand why the people ignored her son’s pedigree. There is no other family in the world which has given so many rulers to a country. Rahul has every reason to be angry.

She decided to consult her most wise and trusted advisers. Every one of them has special quality. One is famous for discovering even the non-existing things. Remember, a few years back he had surprised everybody by saying that ‘it was doubtful if there was anything like Indian Mujahedin’. The second one is capable of making people emotional. Once, at the time of election, he announced in an emotionally charged voice that ‘Madam burst into tears when she saw photographs of police atrocities on the innocent residents of Batla House.’ The third one is known for his wisdom. Sometime he claims to be as wise as Kautilya.

Always at the beck and call of Madam, they reached the palace within half an hour. When apprised of the seriousness of the issue to be discussed, wise Kautilya suggested, ‘Why not call the wise doctor also?’

Madam did not agree. ‘For ten years, whenever I asked for the progress report, he would open his mouth only to say that he was trying his level best. We all know what his level best yielded. Sometimes I wonder whether he was trying his level best for us or for that man.’

Everyone agreed with Madam. Consultations went on for a few hours.  Ultimately, they arrive at a consensus. ‘Rahul must beat Modi by adopting Modi’s style.’

‘Only positive aspects of Modi’s personality.’ Cautioned Madam. They all nodded in agreement.

All the positive aspects were written on a piece of paper.

One of the advisers read out the first point.

·              ‘Modi deserted his wife to devote all his time to public life. Of all the family members, he cares only for his mother.’

Rahul Gandhi smiled. ‘No problem. In fact I’m ahead of him in this regard. He deserted his wife after marriage. I have done so before marriage. I care for mother more than him because I don’t do anything without her permission.’

‘Very good. Let us proceed to the second point.’ Said another adviser.

·              ‘Modi is a very good orator.’

Rahul again smiled. ‘Everyone knows that I am also a very good orator. With some practice, I can do even better.’

Everyone nodded in agreement. ‘Now the third one’. Said Kautilya.

·              ‘Modi looks very smart in his small beard.’

Now it was the turn of mother to speak on behalf  of her son.

‘My son also looks very smart in his small beard. The only difference is that being much younger, his beard is still black. Move to the next.’

‘Never mind. By the time he succeeds, if he succeeds at all, he may also have white beard.’ Murmured Kautilya. Luckily mother did not hear. Others who heard did not give an indication that they had.

  • 'Modi is very knowledgeable. He has very good general knowledge.’ Kautilya gave his impression.
Rahul did not agree. ‘What general knowledge? I am more knowledgeable than him. I have more general as well as specific knowledge. He is from Gujarat but does not know who supplies milk there. I know. I told Gujarat people when I addressed them.’

Kautilya nodded in agreement. Others too nodded.

·              ‘Modi’s work alcoholic.’ Kautilya gave another impression.

‘I am also work alcoholic. You all know that.’

Mother agreed. Others too had to agree. One of them read from the piece of paper:

·              ‘Modi leads a very simple life. During Navaratra (nine days of prayer), he does not eat anything. He lives only on warm water.’

‘I also lead to various simple life. In fact in certain respects my life style is simpler  than his. I am never suited-booted in India. This, living on just warm water, is a hoax. Who knows, what he does in the night.’

Mother and all her advisers took deep breath, almost simultaneously. For a few minutes all of them remained silent. Ultimately, mother said: ‘Never mind. Even if my son does not fast for a couple of days, it is not so important. Move the next point.'

·              ‘Modi does not waste a minute of his time. To save time, he sleeps in the plane. During his last trip abroad, he covered three countries in 97 hours because he spent two nights in the plane.’

Rahul jumped. ‘This is one thing which I have not done so far and which I will do, if possible, right from today. I will beat Modi at his own game. I will do even better. He sleeps in plane only sometimes, when he goes abroad. I will do it every night. Mom, please arrange a Boeing for me. Every night I will sleep in Boeing. The pilot will fly the plane whole night while I’m sleeping. He can take me anywhere in the night, I don’t mind.’

All the three advisers looked at mother who was affectionately looking at her son. She put her affectionate and supporting hand on the back of her son and announced, ‘Anything to beat Modi. Anything for the pleasure of my son. But why Boeing? I will get Airbus A380 for my son. I will have it converted into a flying duplex flat with finest bedrooms. But that will take some time, dear.’

The son hugged mom. ‘Thank you very much, mom. You are the best mom in the. world. While you are getting the flying flat ready I will sleep in a moving bus. I have no time to waste. I have to beat Modi at any cost.’

The three advisers had to agree. Good idea. In bus, before in Airbus

Very soon you may a flying duplex flat.

Devendra Narain
April 10, 2016